Humor Here and There

shufflingthesalad: fujibutts: vantasticmess: octopusandaleech:...

Sun, 13 Jan 2013 10:02:54 -0600

shufflingthesalad:

fujibutts:

vantasticmess:

octopusandaleech:

A young man stands in his bathroom. It just so happens that today is the first time he will try shaving. He has never before considered that his father would not be there for this IMPORTANT RIGHT OF PASSAGE INTO MANHOOD.

THESE ARE ACTUAL TEARS :C

You’ve imagined this scenario hundreds of times over in your head and now you’re here, with your friends, standing triumphant against The Game.

As you catch your breath and separate from the tight group hug, you turn, scanning the small crowd for a familiar white fedora.

Something catches your eye and your eyes widen and you all but fly over at top speed to the familiar man. “Dad!” you shout, but he instead turns away.

What?

He scoops Jane up into his arms, and your face drops.

Not Dad.

Your heart feels several tons heavier as the adrenaline seeps out of your system. Dejectedly, you make your way elsewhere. You can hear the others chattering animatedly with their friends and family, excited to go back to normalcy. There are squeals and shouts of names, but none of it actually gets absorbed by your brain.

“-on!”

“Son!”

Son? You sniff. Your brain must be hallucinating now, because Dad used to call you that. If he was here he’d say,

“Son I’m so proud of you.”

You stop dead in your tracks.

“John?”

You look up, and there he is, standing barely ten feet from you.

His eyes are darker than Jane’s dad.

They’re not just dead white planes.

His eyes have color.

It’s Dad. He’s alive. He’s here.

It starts as a single step, but you pick up your feet and tackle him to the ground, sobbing into his shoulder.

Dad wraps his arms around you tightly, and you think you hear him getting all choked up. You stay there for what feels long time, with his arms around you strong and secure like when you were a kid. You’re not a kid now, and you haven’t hugged him in what feels like has been years.

When you separate and stand back up, you realize that Dad is barely three inches taller than you now. Last time you checked he was at least half a foot taller than you.

“You grew,” he notes with a quiet voice.

You nod. “Yeah.”

“Do I see some stubble?”

You nod again, remembering the first time you tried shaving. Your face was a mess of toilet paper bits and white cream that day.

“You-You always told me that you’d make a congratulatory cake for me when I shaved on my own for the first time.” Inhaling, you try to dispel the shakiness of your voice. Instead that just triggers a sob and a few tears.

Dad steps forward and pulls you into a hug again.

“Ja-Jade sucks at bak-baking,” you sob into his still white shirt.

He shushes you, hugging you tighter. “I’ll bake something when we get home.”

gOD. I KNEW SOMEONE WAS GOING TO DO IT.

I KNEW SOMEONE WAS GOING TO WRITE SOMETHING TO MAKE THIS POST WORSEBETTER.

Photo

Sun, 05 Aug 2012 07:42:01 -0500

Photo

Tue, 24 Jul 2012 07:48:41 -0500

totally-fail: I’m Fairly Certain That’s Scientifically...

Tue, 24 Jul 2012 00:54:43 -0500

totally-fail:

I’m Fairly Certain That’s Scientifically Inaccurate…

http://totally-fail.tumblr.com/

totally-fail: Parenting Failhttp://totally-fail.tumblr.com/

Sat, 21 Jul 2012 20:40:45 -0500

totally-fail:

Parenting Fail
http://totally-fail.tumblr.com/

Photo

Sat, 21 Jul 2012 15:53:17 -0500

meme-rage: Parenting Fails: Is This the Real Life? Is This Just...

Sat, 21 Jul 2012 07:44:01 -0500

meme-rage:

Parenting Fails: Is This the Real Life? Is This Just Fantasy?

http://meme-rage.tumblr.com

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Fri, 20 Jul 2012 15:59:36 -0500

live-2-learn: trolling a spectator

Fri, 20 Jul 2012 07:53:01 -0500

live-2-learn:

trolling a spectator

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Thu, 19 Jul 2012 15:51:41 -0500

Photo

Thu, 19 Jul 2012 07:45:50 -0500

If Tumblr Island ever becomes real I'm sure we'll have enough ships to get there

Wed, 18 Jul 2012 07:59:17 -0500

g-iggle:

My teacher pointed a ruler at me saying,” At the end of this ruler is an idiot.” I got...

Mon, 16 Jul 2012 07:48:01 -0500

My teacher pointed a ruler at me saying,” At the end of this ruler is an idiot.” I got detention for asking which end he was referring to

If ya smile, I smile; If ya hurt, I hurt; If ya cry, I cry and if ya jump off a bridge well..bummer...

Sun, 15 Jul 2012 15:56:59 -0500

If ya smile, I smile; If ya hurt, I hurt; If ya cry, I cry and if ya jump off a bridge well..bummer man

When life gives you lemons squirt the juice in someones eyes and watch them flail around helplessly

Sun, 15 Jul 2012 14:45:36 -0500

When life gives you lemons squirt the juice in someones eyes and watch them flail around helplessly

I decided I wanna be a ninja. I Googled “Ninja School,” then followed a link that said...

Sun, 15 Jul 2012 14:44:00 -0500

I decided I wanna be a ninja. I Googled “Ninja School,” then followed a link that said Ninja School, and the page could not be found. Well played, Ninja School

3 facts about life: 1 You can’t touch all your teeth with your tongue. 2 Your retarded cause...

Sun, 15 Jul 2012 14:43:49 -0500

3 facts about life: 1 You can’t touch all your teeth with your tongue. 2 Your retarded cause you just tried it. 3 Now your smiling cause you’re an idiot

There was this one time when I was tall, but my legs got replaced in my sleep. Thus I am short....

Sun, 15 Jul 2012 14:42:45 -0500

There was this one time when I was tall, but my legs got replaced in my sleep. Thus I am short. It’s really a sad story…

every kiss begins with K and sadly ugly begins with you

Sun, 15 Jul 2012 14:41:58 -0500

every kiss begins with K and sadly ugly begins with you

The best comeback in the universe. Person: go to hell! You: I cant go to hell, satin still has that...

Sun, 15 Jul 2012 14:40:24 -0500

The best comeback in the universe. Person: go to hell! You: I cant go to hell, satin still has that restraining order on me from when i tried to take over! LOL